Carl Rogers, the renowned humanistic psychologist, said ‘The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.’

So how does the track of the self-voiced opinion take shape in your mind?

Is the voice in your head a soothsayer or a dictator? Does she treat you with love and care or slash down everything that you do? We all have it, a dial set on our inner radio that may, at times, celebrate, and at other moments, be critiquing, analysing and talking our inner world through everything we do in the day. At times this, voice can be our ally and friend, yet at other times it can drastically pull apart everything we do.

If you are constantly pushing yourself, being self-critical or laying verbal torrent on yourself, you are exercising a form of  “hard” power over yourself. This hard line is the active fuel the vocal inner voice can use to grow negative momentum in your inner world. Once upon a time, its impact may have been light and not able to inflict quick wounding. But like with everything, if we have left the inner voice unattended, it can grow in its criticism and power.

Hard power is not stoic, motivational or helpful – it merely immobilises you by making you feel small. Is this the voice that you want to hold in daily prominence? Situations that would normally make you feel happy and joyous, become tainted by this heavy sound. So what do you do with this?

The Voice

Well, the first thing to understand is that ‘the voice’ is merely trying to help. Yep, it’s a problem solver, so it just looks for problems all day to solve! It’s the logical and rational mind, unbalanced by the heart. It asks questions and answers them. Rinse and repeat. Finds separations and distinctions, and making biased connections. It makes sense, right?

You appreciate that it’s trying to help, so now you just need to figure out how to stop it making everything a problem!

Does it come down to acceptance of this ‘problem solving tool’? While understanding its helping mechanism is a way to form some distance and detachment, there could also be some core beliefs in the way that are influencing its filters – which is why the voice can come back as often negative.

“God, why me?” you often ask itself. Or, “I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve this” you quietly whisper. If this is something that you deep down resonate with to be true, then there some steps that you can take to turn this voice back around again to help you see life with more rosy glasses.

The exercises below will help you rediscover your true empowered voice, claim kindness over negativity and put that narrative back in its perspective.

1. Be your own friend

Soft power is holding the space for your own magnificence to shine through.

It is the friend who cares about what you want to do… and guides you lovingly to make better choices.

From this gentler place, your natural mind state will allow for the cushioning of hard corners.

2. Practice compassionate enquiry

Using soft power on yourself means stillness, congruency and asking yourself what you need right now – and exploring why you truly feel a certain way.

It is asking your body and soul how you may love yourself better, and worship it with kindness.

The best way to do this is via journaling. Start to merely write down your thoughts and you’ll be surprised at the insight that pours out on the page.

3. Get out of your head

Going for a run, listening to music, relaxing in a bubble bath or putting on a set of gorgeous lingerie are just some ways to balance your visceral and cerebral energy by getting back into your body.

Smell the ocean on your morning walk, bite into a delicious slice of freshly baked pie, feel the support of gorgeous lace and corsetry against your skin and lose yourself in your favourite music.

Inhale life through your senses and you will feel your heart reharmonise.

4. Write a love letter

Be it to yourself, God, The Universe, a friend, family member, or mentor, pouring words of gratitude and praise onto the page will allow you to recount your blessings and regain perspective.

5. Ask for support

Perhaps your self care cup is running low because you’re overwhelmed and carrying the world on your shoulders. Or, you’ve struggled a little bit with your self esteem, so it could be time to see a coach or a counsellor who could help you re-empower yourself.

We go to the dentist when we have a toothache, so there it makes sense to gain support when our spirits need some loving to.

When you’re shining, you’re healing. And a positive self mindset is the first step to channel the kind of power that inspires others for change.

What are some things you do daily to keep yourself in a positive and happy state?


About the Author

Alina Berdi knew early on that her life’s calling was to help empower women. Now, with more than a decade of coaching and consulting experience to her name, she has emerged as one of our most respected and trusted guides and coach to many of Australia’s most successful women. As our lives have been faced with tremendous amounts of pressure from all areas, the vast majority of women tend to feel more and more cut off from their inner goddess selves. A practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and a student of Tantra, Alina’s insights into life and love have seen her regularly contribute to a number of popular publications including Cleo, Cosmopolitan, Body and Soul and Madison.

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